A Special Announcement

This week is Depression Awareness Week in the UK, driven by the Depression Alliance. 

As many of you know, I struggle with depression and anxiety from time to time.

So, in honour of the occasion and to help raise awareness, I have released my song, Better than Blue, on Bandcamp.

Better Then Blue was written in 2011 when i was in one of the worst states i’ve ever been in for what seemed like endless months. But I knew there would be an other side to it all, and i refused to give into the sickness, the doubt, the tears, the thoughts, the chaos and the lethargy. Instead, I wrote a song, I sought help and I changed my life a bit (read a lot) to reinvigorate my little ol’ soul.

I’m listing this song as a free download for the rest of the month, and hope you will pass it along to anyone who might take comfort from it, or who might glean some understanding of what mental illness can be like.

I also want to be clear that this is merely my experience. Mental illness has so many different forms and startlingly different effects on people. but this is my fight and my feelings and i’m sharing them with the world to raise awareness and help erase the stigma of mental illness.

thank you and enjoy.

Better Than Blue

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I had forgotten…. (or why job hunting is bad for morale)

just how sucktacular looking for a job can be.

the last 3 jobs i’ve worked i approached and got no trouble. And i’m sure if i can find the right place to look it won’t be hard (call centre staffed entirely by actors anyone?) but i’m trying to find something a bit different and interesting, but still flexible.

It’s not the end of the world if i don’t find something straight away, have quite a bit saved up and a relaxed new landlord (if he ever gets back to me so i can pay deposit on the place!) who appreciates it might take me a while to find work.

But today just sucked it out of me. Fitting myself into boxes but still being open to new ideas, being definite about needing flexible work but still trying to appear hard working and industrious. (which mean the same thing. so sue me.)

The thing that really got me free falling though was this…

I applied for a tour guide position at a notable curiousity site type museum place (a well known address starting with 221b) and got the following response.

“As you have a diverse background of positions please let me know your ambition.”

Um. WTF? I wrote in my initial contact that i was an actor and that’s why i had moved to London and i was looking at that particular position because i enjoy working with people… I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION!

more importantly, it got me on a brain-thought-path that i have long known does me no good. It’s all kinds of triggery. (not tiggery. that would be much better) Basically it boils down to the fact that i have a whole set of marketable skills that i, personally, don’t particularly value. While i’m pursuing acting, i have an excuse for not making any other kind of ‘career’ that i, personally, have more respect for, but i always worry that one day i’ll be in a job i neither respect or like out of necessity because i never ‘focussed’ on anything other than performing. Now these fears are silly for all sorts of reasons. for example, experience proves that when i’m in the right retail position i actually REALLY Enjoy it (even if i don’t particularly respect it… a little like a James Bond movie) and also there’s no reason i can’t, at any point in my life, go back and study something ‘respectable’ like Law or something else all my high school colleagues did straight off. The government would probably even pay for it, since it’s generally considered an upgrade from a BA. Also, my life experience in various roles, could end up being the thing that makes me write an award winning (or at least produced) script, or getting me a position lecturing or WHO KNOWS! so it’s all very silly to worry so.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop the gut-sinking feeling i’ve had since about 2pm.

The other thing is, the other task i set myself for today was to start contacting agents since my Spotlight Contacts 2012 book arrived today. But now my brain is off-side, so it’s all, who’d represent you, but what have you DONE, who are YOU to contact these people.

 

which of course leads me to think that this was possibly the worst idea ever.

I’m trying very hard NOT to think that, but i don’t want to just hit the distraction mode until i’ve at least contacted 10 agents.

On a more positive note, I’m considering temping – never really done it before, so new skill set. yay! and it pays about twice what retail does.

Oh and Apple have invited me to a Hiring Event tomorrow (what ever that is) having received and liked my CV.

And the casting director i met last week had only good things to say.

BAH. come on universe… I’ve taken a gamble, throw me a win…

 

(because that was completely depressing, here are some random snaps of london so far)

Covent Garden Markets

Trafalgar square

Telephone booths and just a little bit of sunshine.

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